Time is an interesting concept. No matter how powerful we are, we can’t stop it from moving and we can’t see it as it passes us by. No matter how hard we try, we can’t control it. All we can do is accept it. We like to believe that there is always more, but the truth is it always runs out. What we do with the time we have is what’s important. 

What do we do with our time? What do I do with my time? I’ve always been afraid of time. I know that sounds crazy. How can I be afraid of something I can’t see? I think that’s what makes it so scary. I can’t see it. If I can’t see it, then I can’t control it. So instead of facing what I can’t control I ignore it. I watch endless Netflix shows, so that I can have some semblance of happy endings. Shows are already written and even when bad things happen they find some way to overcome it. If the story takes a turn for the worst, just keep watching something good will come of it. This is my unhealthy way of dealing with the uncontrollable things.Even though I have found a temporary solution, time is still moving without me. So then it becomes a game of catch up. I’m tired of living my life just reacting to the things that go on around me. 

Yes, it is difficult to face reality. It is tough not always having the answers that I crave. The truth of the matter is just because it’s hard doesn’t make it impossible. I have learned that I am not alone. I have a God who promised to never leave me or forsake me. He has given me people in my life that care about me. People that aren’t afraid to support me and love me though the darkness of the world. 

I’ve gone through a lot of things in my life where time was the only solution. I had to just wait. When I prayed and God said “wait” the answer was a hard thing to face. I am not the most patient person when it comes to struggles in my life. When I finally have the chance to look back on those times, I do see growth and reasons why waiting was important. As I mentioned in a previous blog I went through a rough time of what I would call financial hardship. I didn't enjoy it while it was happening. I didn’t want to wait and have faith. Now looking back, that experience made me stronger. It helped me to be more empathetic with others. It has helped me to be able to love others more and be able to truly understand them. Sometimes people are doing everything they can and it still isn’t working because that’s just how it is sometimes. Now I have the knowledge and the real life experience to say yes it is horrible, but it does get better. 

 What I learned from all this is that God isn’t asking me to wait just to watch me struggle. He wants me to trust that He is in control and He will bring me through whatever it is. Through avoiding time and temporary fixes I just got more desperate for a fix. Through giving it to God and choosing faith over fear, I’ve grown. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it. Time hasn’t stopped and now I am working everyday to be present more and more. I refuse to let time continue to pass me by. Even when it’s the most difficult thing to do, I will push through and lean on the Lord. I am dependent on Him and I believe that’s what He wants to be. To be honest it’s a relief to not be in control. I am only human and I make mistakes all the time. God is constant and that’s what I need. Time will continue long after I am gone, but while I have it I’m going to enjoy it.

-Elizabeth