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My name is Elizabeth, most world race people know me as Bliz and I and pleading guilty. I’m pleading guilty of sexual immorality in the form of same sex attraction. This is not a path I chose for myself but yet still I am guilty. This is a burden I have carried alone for far too long. I want to be open I want to be transparent. This will not be the first time I am coming clean, but it is the first time I am publicly asking for help from like minded believers. The sentence I am facing is a life of prejudice because of the sin in my life. Prejudice that believe it was a phase, that because I am choosing God then my feelings disappear, that I am not really being who I am, that I am rejecting my true self. 

How can you help you might ask? Love me. Pray for me. Ask me how I’m doing. Check on me. I understand that you don’t understand how I feel. You could never know what it feels like to be in my shoes and feel how I feel. Trust me I know what you’re thinking I’ve been raised in church my whole life I didn’t choose this. After years of not being ok in my own skin and mind. After years of giving in and following my “heart” really my “lust” I saw and knew God wanted more for me. So I had a choice to make Him or the world and it wasn’t hard. The world fails me daily, but God never has, and never will. 

I went through stages where I hated myself, I hated the feelings I had, and i hated people for hating me for something I can’t control. Over the last 7 years God has grown my heart and faith in Him. He has shown me we can do hard things together. Am I cured you ask? Nope, not by a long shot. Do I want what God has for me more than what I want? Yes everyday. 

It hasn’t been an easy road. I haven’t found the man of my dreams that is going to accept me for who I am everyday YET. Through all this one thing that keeps me going is hope for the future. Hope for people like me who want God more, but don’t know where to start and feel rejected and hated by the church. We’re called to love God and love others. I’m not saying condone, but you can still love people where they are and prayerfully when they want to seek God you can be a true ally and not a wall in the way. 

I am not ashamed of my testimony. I am not ashamed of who I am. God says I am enough. I am not alone in the struggle as long as I have the Lord. 

Thank you Lord for the person reading. Thank you Lord that they are in my life. I pray today that they see you. I pray that they experience your love in a new way today. I pray for their heart so that when tough situations come they can choose You over the world. Thank you for this and everyday. Glory to God. 

 

-Elizabeth:)

9 responses to “I am Guilty”

  1. Elizabeth! You are what this world needs! Not one of us is without struggle! It’s just in different forms but what matters is who you chose to believe and obey! I love you and am so very proud of you and your life! Keep shining brightly!

  2. Wow, I love you and I am so proud of you for being vulnerable the way you have continued to be.. you inspire me, you encourage the body of Christ to walk in His boldness and not in fear.

    Thank you, I love you.

  3. I respect your honesty and your transparency, Bliz. It helps others to bring their own struggles with sexual temptation out into the light.
    I know your love for the Lord is deep, and your awareness that He has something better for you is part of His perfect plan. I pray that as you rely on Him you will find contentment.
    The upcoming season is not only important for you, but also for those who you will influence. Stay the coarse. Submit to God, resist the enemy, and he will flee from you.
    I love you my sweet friend. You are a power to be reckoned with when it comes to your prayer life and your concern for others! You are greatly needed in the body of Christ.

  4. I love you Elizabeth. You are a beautiful soul. Please take care of yourself. Aunt Pat

  5. Wow! How so unbelievably brave of you to put this out for the world to see, to judge, to run with. What an inspiration to others to face those fears of rejection and live in the light. I can’t imagine your struggle but I will pray for you and like others said, while your struggle is not mine, I have plenty of my own. No one better or worse than another. Keep your eyes on the Lord Bliz.

  6. Elizabeth, I am praying for you. I know it took courage and much prayer to share your heart
    so openly.

  7. I LOVE YOU A WHOLE LOT, and am so proud of your openness and your commitment to life with the Lord and what He has

  8. I love you SO BIG. And am so very proud of how bravely and honestly you’ve given voice to your story. His light shows courageously through who you are and through your hunger to seek with full surrender His hand at work in your life.

  9. I truly admire your openness and honesty on this Liz. I always have. It’s beautiful that you seek fellowship to help you not feel alone, judged or rejected. You are not alone my friend. We all have burdens of our own. It’s what makes us who we are…our testimony. Those struggles we battle with strengthen our relationship to our Heavenly Father….teach us to rely on Him…to trust Him. Your relationship with Him is amazing and I admire it so very much. I too have my battles and a past that I know you know of. He will see you through this. I love you!! Sending prayers