My name is Elizabeth, most world race people know me as Bliz and I and pleading guilty. I’m pleading guilty of sexual immorality in the form of same sex attraction. This is not a path I chose for myself but yet still I am guilty. This is a burden I have carried alone for far too long. I want to be open I want to be transparent. This will not be the first time I am coming clean, but it is the first time I am publicly asking for help from like minded believers. The sentence I am facing is a life of prejudice because of the sin in my life. Prejudice that believe it was a phase, that because I am choosing God then my feelings disappear, that I am not really being who I am, that I am rejecting my true self. 

How can you help you might ask? Love me. Pray for me. Ask me how I’m doing. Check on me. I understand that you don’t understand how I feel. You could never know what it feels like to be in my shoes and feel how I feel. Trust me I know what you’re thinking I’ve been raised in church my whole life I didn’t choose this. After years of not being ok in my own skin and mind. After years of giving in and following my “heart” really my “lust” I saw and knew God wanted more for me. So I had a choice to make Him or the world and it wasn’t hard. The world fails me daily, but God never has, and never will. 

I went through stages where I hated myself, I hated the feelings I had, and i hated people for hating me for something I can’t control. Over the last 7 years God has grown my heart and faith in Him. He has shown me we can do hard things together. Am I cured you ask? Nope, not by a long shot. Do I want what God has for me more than what I want? Yes everyday. 

It hasn’t been an easy road. I haven’t found the man of my dreams that is going to accept me for who I am everyday YET. Through all this one thing that keeps me going is hope for the future. Hope for people like me who want God more, but don’t know where to start and feel rejected and hated by the church. We’re called to love God and love others. I’m not saying condone, but you can still love people where they are and prayerfully when they want to seek God you can be a true ally and not a wall in the way. 

I am not ashamed of my testimony. I am not ashamed of who I am. God says I am enough. I am not alone in the struggle as long as I have the Lord. 

Thank you Lord for the person reading. Thank you Lord that they are in my life. I pray today that they see you. I pray that they experience your love in a new way today. I pray for their heart so that when tough situations come they can choose You over the world. Thank you for this and everyday. Glory to God. 

-Elizabeth:)